Unbridled Visions of Horror
by TravisTwoKnives
Summary: While training on Dagobah under Yoda, Luke tells the old Jedi Master about a horrible, horrible nightmare he had. (Rated M for language, sexual references and drug use.)


Become a Jedi like his father was. This was Luke's wish. He tracked down the old master of his mentor Obi-Wan. To his surprise this Yoda, this Jedi Master, was a little green midget. But powerful with the force he was. For days Luke was training under him in the Jedi arts. At the same time he was worried about Han, Leia and his other friends. He hadn't heard from them ever since they left Hoth.

-"Troubled you are, young Skywalker. I can feel it." Says Yoda as he is watching Luke doing pushups on the ground.

-"No it's nothing." Says Luke as he stops to take a break.

-"A bad liar you are. Lead to the Dark Side, lying can."

-"Sigh. Alright. I had this nightmare the other night..."

-"Nightmares when I overdose on Ketamine, I occasionally have. About this nightmare, tell me."

-"For starters... Leia is apparently my sister. We've been seperated at birth and..."

-"Kissed you she did the other day, you told me."

-"Well, yeah..."

-"Liked it, did you?"

Luke starts blushing in embarrassment.

-"When horny, Yoda gets. Fuck, I do! Beautiful booty cheeks when see them I do, clap them I must! Hrrrmmmm yeeesssss..."

Luke is staring at Yoda, not sure how to react to what this old drug addicted fool just said.

-"Anyway. The Rebellion defeat the Empire."

-"Darth Vader, your father is."

-"... What are you even talking about you old fool?"

-"Take advantage of the High Ground during your final duel, you must. Yeeeessssss..."

Luke wonders what Yoda is even talking about. Darth Vader being his father? Obi-Wan told him HE'S the one who murdered his father!

-"Anyway, the Empire is defeated and the galaxy is at peace again. Leia and my best friend Han have a son together and name him Ben."

-"A cuckold, you are for letting your friend take your girl."

-"It's just a dream, Yoda! It's not real! Of course she can't be my sister! That's impossible!"

-"Love your sister, you do. Kissed her, you did. Want to make passionate love with her, you do. Keep your bloodline intact you must!".

Yoda starts laughing. Luke is blushing even harder.

-"Moving on... Little Ben is Force sensitive. So I train him under the Jedi arts along with other people who also happen to be connected with the Force."

Yoda pulls out a syringe and a bottle of Ketamine. He fills the syringe with the transparent liquid and injects himself with it. Yoda moans in ecstasy.

-"Continue." Says a high Yoda.

-"Years go on as I train Ben and others to form a new Jedi Order. One night I feel the Dark Side luring around Ben."

-"Attempt to murder him in his sleep, did you?

-"... Wait what? How did you know?"

-"A sixth sense, Ketamine gave me."

-"I can't remember exactly how I felt. But something, like an incompetent writer or a voice in my head or something forced me to murder my nephew in his sleep. So I approach him while he's sleeping and foolishly turn my lightsaber on and he wakes up."

-"A dumbass, you are."

-"Ben is very powerful with the Force. He uses it to crush the building on us and I fall unconscious. When I wake up all I see is R2 and... everything burning and everyone dead."

-"Killed your Jedi Younglings, he did?"

-"That's what I assumed..."

-"Very proud, his grandfather would be! Mehahahahaha!"

Yoda loads another shot of Ketamine in his syringe and inject himself.

-"Feeling completely destroyed with what happened I decided to isolate myself from everything."

-"The Jedi way, running away like a stupid coward is not."

-"I wasn't sure at all what I was doing! I guess I'll blame this one on an inside voice or a second incompetent writer..."

-"Ketamine, you should try. But find your own, you will! Touch my Ketamine, rip your head off with my bare hands I will!"

-"So I can become a wasted fool like yourself? Never."

-"Dumbass idiot you are, for not trying to win Leia back! Running away, you did instead."

-"..."

-"Head back to my hut, we must. Ran out of Ketamine, I have. Need to get more there."

-"Now? We just started training and I didn't even finish telling my nightmare."

-"KETAMINE, I NEED!"

-"... Fine. I guess I'll continue telling my nightmare as we go."

Luke grabs Yoda and place him over his shoulders. The two make their way to the hut, it's a short walk.

-"I spend the next 20 or so years alone on an island. Sitting on a cliff doing nothing and feeding on alien milk."

-"Hrhmmmmmm... Delicious, big alien tities are. Yeeeessssss..."

-"One day there's this weird girl out of absolutely nowhere. She shows up and hands me my lightsaber."

-"Cute, was she?"

-"... I can't deny that..."

-"Not as attractive as Leia, she was! Mehahahahaha!"

-"Not sure what to do about this weirdo, the forces of incompetent writting force me to toss away my lightsaber and I walk away. She goes after me, telling me how my nephew has fallen to the Dark Side, has took the edgy name of Kylo Ren and that only me can defeat him."

-"A retarded edgelord, he is."

-"She called herself Rey. She kept following and stalking me for days like some sort of obsessive fangirl."

-"Take advantage of that, did you?"

-"... Just what is wrong with you?!"

-"When horny, Yoda gets. Fuck, I do! Beautiful booty cheeks when see them I do, clap them I must! Yeeesssss..."

-"I wish Obi-Wan warned me about your drug addiction and your perverted desires..."

-"Change your mind you will, when clap your first cheeks you do!"

-"... And then one day she tells me about what happened to my friend Han... She told me Ben killed him in cold blood."

-"An unfitting end, he had."

-"Just what is wrong with you? How do you know my dream already?"

-"Shut the hell up and continue, you must."

-"I don't exactly remember the rest, but I know it ends with me using the Force to project myself on a planet made of salt and I face Ben there. I die of exhaustion and I wake up."

Luke and Yoda arrived at the hut. They go inside and Luke put Yoda down on the ground.

-"Fascinating nightmare, you had. A rather unexpected turn of events, it is. Different vision of the future, I had. Much different. Yeessss..."

-"What kind of future you had in mind!"

-"FUTURE THAT MAKE SENSE! Now, young Skywalker. Make yourself useful for once, you will. Go outside and wash my 2001 Honda Civic, you will."

Yoda sat on his cough and openned the drawer next to it. It contained dozens and dozens of bottles of Ketamine. He opens one and load his syringe it with.

-"What are you waiting for?! Wash my car, you will! Or else!" Scream Yoda.

Not wanting to make Yoda angry, Luke go outside. He fills a bucket of water mixed with soap. He grabs a sponge and head for Yoda's 2001 Honda Civic. On his way he meet R2-D2. The droid greets him with a beep. Luke spend the next hour scrubbing and washing the inside and out of Yoda's car. When he was done it looked almost like brand new. It was now night and Luke head back to the hut.

-"Best car ever, the 2001 Honda Civic is. Drive while doing Ketamine, I often do." Chuckled Yoda.

-"Whatever you old fool. I'm going to sleep."

Luke lied down on the couch and started dozing off.

-"One last thing, you should know. About the future, it is."

-"What could be possibly more screwed about this nightmare I had?"

-"When killing the Emperor, Vader does. Make fucking sure he is dead, you should!"


End file.
